Blogging gets results (?)

If you are my doctor, it's okay to keep reading. I'm not freaked out by you reading my blog. I just didn't expect it to be brought up at an appointment. I was caught off guard, but it's really kind of cool when I think about it.

If you aren't my doctor, I had a doctor's appointment today. He told me that he had come upon my blog and read my one of my various complaints about his staff and shown it to them. It was a lot easier to get this appointment, as I blogged a few days ago. So maybe blogging gets results.

Here's where I confess that I am a big fat liar. When my doctor said that he read my blog, I immediately assured him that my blog was a small thing that I write for family and friends and venting pruposes. It may have started that way, but I have a lot of readers now that I have never met. So there: I am a big, fat (unwitting) liar. But if my doctor is reading this, he's a big fat liar too. Because when I starting hyperventilating when he said he read one of my posts, he said he would never read my blog again if it made me so uncomfortable.

I was uncomfortable--epic understatement. I wrote that post one and a half years ago while in the aftershocks of seeing my normally healthy oldest child almost die, and I never realized it would come back around years later. I didn't know what I had written, but now that I've re-read it, I stand by what I said--it was totally honest. Albeit one-sided. I can only really show one side here: mine. Blogs are about personal experience, and I've only experienced my life.

So, whoever you are, doctor or not, I am officially giving you permission to read, and, no, I didn't mean you are really a big fat liar.

For the rest of you, it was the normal thing plus a little bloodwork to try and nail down some of the symptoms that those of you who see me in person are tired of hearing me whine about. No biggie, hopefully.

The End of Doctor Drama--Can It Be?

The last time I saw my doctor, he assured me that they were overhauling their scheduling. So patients could actually get appointments, and little stuff like that.

Last week I had to make not one, but two appointments. One a routine appointment for me, and one just to make sure my youngest daughter's flu wasn't swine flu (it was, btw, and she's already over it). In both cases, I was able to make an appointment. Rachael had to see a resident, but whatever, I needed an appointment that day so I couldn't be choosy. Last time I called, I couldn't see anyone or anything there in the next week, and they didn't schedule beyond that. The appointment for me was schedules two weeks in advance--that's right, no 'We're full this week, so call back next Monday'.

The staff seems generally nicer as well. Could it be that they were just as dismayed by the old system? Now the doctors are in 'teams' sorted by color, which is a little fourth grade for me, but I got an appointment so WHATEVER.

Life Doesn't Suck Thursday: All Done with Doctor Drama?

Those of you who have followed my blog for a while now have heard probably more than you would like about how much my doctor's practice sucks. Doctor D. is an awesome doctor... once you get past his staff of snarling hyenas. Honestly, if you were going to design a system with the express purpose of denying health care to sick children and adding more distress to a worried mother's life, CWFM would be the place to consult, because they do a world class job of both.

I occasionally *mention* to Doctor D. that I am frustrated with his system. By *mention*, I mean that I bring it up at every opportunity. Anyway, at the last visit, he asked why I had waited so long to bring in a sick child (who ended up in the ER). I told him it wasn't for lack of trying. In fact, I tried for over a week before the problem became worthy of an $800 trip to the nasty, germ-laden ER in the middle of prime swine-flu season. He told me that this was going to change, and soon, because they had hired a new office manager who was re-vamping the scheduling system.

Can you say YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY????????

Honestly, would it be inappropriate for me to bring my new hero a bottle of wine or some homemade cookies? I am so excited. Because, this was the appointment where I was going to tell him I could no way see him anymore, great doctor or not. And now, I can avoid being doctor-less in this medically underserved area. Thanks, God.

Hallelujah, Hear the Angels Sing

Last week I actually got a doctor's appointment for two of my children. And it doesn't conflict with anything else! Two down, two still needing check ups. Better than nothing.

Doctor Drama, Anyone?

My life as the star of a medical drama continues. I guess everyone has to have a purpose in life, outside of working, raising children, and coming up with ways to save the planet between episodes of Clean House. Here, in the order that they disturb me, are the latest vignettes in this episode of my life:

1. I called Doctor D.'s office back on Wednesday as instructed by the Tuesday girl. The Wednesday girl told me that he had nothing open and reminded me that I should call at the beginning of the week. I did, I told her. Monday was a holiday, and I called at precisely 8 AM Tuesday morning. Actually, I had called the previous Monday and there were no openings then either. I shared this with Wednesday and asked, If I call back Monday, will there really be an appointment available? She said (and I quote exactly here): You can call whenever you want, but that doesn't mean you'll get an appointment.

I can feel my hair falling out from stress, (sigh).

2. When my mother was calling repeatedly on Tuesday morning, it was actually my stepfather using her phone. She was admitted to the hospital and it ended up she needed (guess, c'mon, you can do it...) a ruptured appendix removed. She had heart issues due to anesthesia also. Go, Mom! She just needed to outdo Tyler.

3. Female issues. I'll spare you icky details about my girl parts. You can send the thank you cards to my email address.

4. Rachael's eczema is back. She is late for a well child visit, too. It's that one I keep trying to schedule. If I can't get one this Monday, I'll go the back door route and call Docta' D's medical assistant. I always feel like I'm cheating when I do that. But we need our check up.

What shall I call my masterpiece? Emily's Anatomy? Mommy MD?

A Morning in the Life of a Very Frustrated Mother

Right now I am on the phone with my doctor's office to make an appointment. So far I have heard an folksy remake of Sting's Fields of Barley, a possible Steely Dan song about Daddy don't live in New York City no more (sic), and now, some sort of elevator music.

If I am going to be left on hold for hours at a time, here are a few things I would like to hear:

Dane Cook's comedy bit on Kool Aid (Oh yeah? Oh no!)
Yael Naim
The new song by Ne-Yo, the one from the Overstock.com commercial
Fiona Apple

Seriously, who likes elevator music? Is it supposed to be calming? Several times the phone has sounded like someone was picking up--music pauses, office-y typing sounds in the background. But then, more elevator music. I've missed two calls from my mother while waiting this morning. Tyler is wondering what to do for school (just READ, okay, read a book, this is a literature based curriculum so there's no way you can go wrong by READING).

The elevator music has faded away, and now there is jazzy piano. (vomit in mouth) I am not kidding about the Dane Cook. It would put me in a good mood for when the rude scheduling people arbitrarily withhold health care from my child because it's the only power they wield in their minimum wage existence.

Okay, that was mean. I'm sorry.

Can it be? A person! Oops, I was sent to wrong place, I guess. She's transferring me to where I should be. Back to jazzy piano. Okay, another person already, that was fast. And when I try to make an appointment, this is what I get.

"He'll be in tomorrow, but he's full. Beyond that, I just don't know... Can you make an appointment with another doctor?"

When I explain, umm, NO, and ask if I can call back for an appointment with my own doctor, she says...

"You can try. I mean, I don't know when he'll be in or when he'll get his schedule. "

I can try? How kind of you. When can I try? I mean, last Monday you told me to try today. And since when do people try to make doctor's appointments? It is really simple, right? Like trying to jump, trying to blog. You just do it. I pick up the phone and call you, you check his schedule and put me in a slot, not so hard. Why don't you have his schedule anyway, you're his scheduling lady?

Don't worry, I didn't say that.

"Tomorrow, maybe later in the day? Maybe. I'm not guaranteeing it. I'm sorry."

At least she's sorry. The last scheduling lady was never sorry. She acted like I had done something wrong. I told you to call when we opened, and now it's 8:27. Of course I can't give you an appointment now.

Well, now you have witnessed in real time (kinda) a morning in my life. My doctor has told me that when this happens, I should ask to talk to his medical assistant and that she can usually fit me in. But his medical assistant is apparently not aware of this recommendation. She is always a little confused about why I am talking to her and not his scheduling girl. I save the MA trick for emergencies, for times when we honestly will be in the emergency room if the sitch isn't dealt with and soon. So I'll be calling back tomorrow. This only took 27 minutes of my morning.

Life Doesn't Suck. Really, It Doesn't. Really.

Two visits to the emergency room don't ruin your week, really. Never mind being unable to conduct your life because your cell phone charger is lost and the hospital doesn't have wi-fi. (freakin' Safeway has wi-fi and the hospital doesn't...) Never mind getting two small children to sit still for hours. It was fun, like I was Supernanny except I can spank and threaten them. Never mind waiting five hours only to be told to return in twelve hours, then being scolded for 'abusing the emergency room system' when I return. Never mind having my doctor (the incredible, disappearing Dr. X) unreachable and the ER doctor making decisions based on the advice of the resident on call at CWFM (I've seen the residents; I have older-looking children and I'm only 31). Never mind all that.

No, my week isn't ruined. I made a gorgeous newsletter for a local homeschooling organization and got it to the printer only a week late. I still can't reach the person who is supposed to actually mail the finished newsletters because I don't have her number and I can't reach anyone who does. And I'm doing a really awesome job not freaking out about that, at least on the surface. My house is a mess, but it still has four walls, a roof, clean dishes, and clean laundry if you aren't particular about outfits matching. It's my stepdaughter's birthday and I still haven't mailed any presents because the kids misplaced them while Daddy was watching them while I "slept in" for a half hour last Saturday. I haven't had a chance to buy anything else. I don't have the money either. But that doesn't mean life sucks.

Right now I am trying to get ready for houseguests. Two of my kids are in their bedrooms screaming because they were brawling over who ripped a sticker left over from the ER visit. I sent them to bed for a nap. They aren't tired. But I am.

Right now, my son should have already had a follow-up visit with his family doctor. The ER people obviously have never dealt with CWFM. According to the scheduling bitch person, who I swear snickered when I told her I need an appointment either that day or the next, I can call next Monday for an appointment in two weeks, or I can see one of those preschoolers, with my luck the same one who advised the ER doctor to thoroughly tongue-lash me before sending me home with a child who might need his third abdominal surgery in five months. And whenever I reluctantly agree to see a doctor who is not Dr. D, he/she magically becomes my primary care provider and I have to throw several hissy fits and beg medical assistants for mercy before the schedulers switch me back.

Right now my baby has a croup-y cough and a stomach bug that is causing diarrhea. It's just one more service to the community offered by Yakima Memorial. Seeing my doctor is, uh, impossible, and I'm having panic attacks whenever I think of returning to the emergency room. But life doesn't suck, because, darn it, this is Life Doesn't Suck As Much As I Thought It Did Thursday.

They Still Suck...

I was talking to a few mommy friends today and somehow our doctors came up.

(because the other mommies all have the same first name, I'll just call them A, B, and C)

"I don't know what's up with my doctor," said Mommy A. "I have to call and call and call just to get a routine appointment. And the office staff is so freakin' rude."

"Mine too," said Mommy B. "And they arbitrarily changed my doctor, then made me call eight thousand times to change back."

"My doctor's office is frustrating like that," I told them. "And I've told the doctor about it, and he's like (nonchalant shrug)."

"I still think I win," said Mommy A. "When I call on Mondays to make an appointment, they tell me to call back next Monday. Ad infinitum."

"Mine, too! But even though it's only 8:01, they tell me the doctor's full and that I have to call back next week because they only schedule two weeks ahead starting Monday. But if that's true, how can they be full on Monday morning at 8:01?"

This was starting to sound familiar. "Where do you guys go?"

"CWFM." But they said the actual practice. Name withheld to protect the guilty.

All of us are dealing with the same drama at the same practice, except for Mommy C, who doesn't see doctors at all because she's sick of this shizz. And I'm totally with her on that, except that my kids keep getting these emergency illnesses.

Why is it so hard to find sensibly run medical care in this town? It's not like I am a charity case; I'm paying cash here and I just want to see a doctor without stroking out from frustration. I'm polite, courteous, and when I worked, I was careful not to give people the run-around and subject them to a lot of arbitrary garbage. I want the same in return, thank you. And when those receptionists and schedulers are gigantic jerks, I smile and speak calmly, even when my eyes are filling up with tears because I feel so powerless and exasperated by the whole convoluted process. I mean, they are withholding health care from an infant FOR NO GOOD REASON and I keep my polite, inside voice.

That should count for something.

A few friends of mine see Dr. B., who is supposedly "mmkay" (that's a quote) although "her waiting room looks like a crackhead convention and I sit there wondering if I'm the only pregnant chick in Yakima who's over fifteen and has all their teeth" (another quote, word for word).

I always think I'm the only one at CWFM who speaks English as a first language. Although, I can't be, because Mommies A and B go there.

What do you guys think? Is a cool doctor worth the crappy treatment from his underlings?

Update

I'm typing this from the hospital room on my brand new laptop, which I am naming 'Silver Lining'.

Tyler is going to be okay in the long run. It's just another abdominal surgery. Just another major incision through his abdominal muscles, another week of excruciating pain, another month or so of building back to a normal state of health.

Yeah, he's a little ticked off. Depressed, too. I can understand why, although I try to cheer him up or at least annoy him enough to be a distraction.

Although I am one of the 99 percent of families who can't really afford two major surgeries in a year, with one requiring a round trip airline ticket bought at sky-high last minute prices, as well as housing, restaurant food, and a rental car for a week, I am glad this happened here. The more time I spend in a sensibly run health care system, the more I realize how incredibly flawed the hospital in Yakima, the entire health care system in fact. My child is sick, far from our family doctor and the hospital we are familiar with, and, ironically, that may have saved his life.

Apparently I have been unknowingly lying to my children...

Lie #8017: You don't get your way from crying.

Unless you are a distressed mother trying to make a doctor's appointment.

My ruptured appendix kid had a follow-up appointment yesterday. Now, first, let me give you the back story on our doctor. We have a great doctor who for some reason works at a crappy family practice. CWFM, you suck! You suck because:

1. It takes an act of God to get an appointment with my doctor. When I call, you say, "He's busy for next week. We only make appointments a week ahead, so call back next Monday." But when I call on Monday at 8:05 AM, he's are already full, so clearly someone can make an appointment more than a week ahead. Several hundred someones, in fact.

2. You keep (oops!) switching my primary physician, so I have to beg my way back onto his caseload. And sometimes you say I can't see my doctor because he's not the primary doctor assigned by my HMO, even though my HMO swears he is and his name is printed in bold black letters on my insurance card. And then I can't see him until you get your freaking act together, which is how medical issues needing routine treatment become medical emergencies.

3. You make me wait about three years on the phone and entire decades in the waiting room.

4. When my son was in the hospital fighting for his life, the nurses called you and yet my doctor didn't know anything about it because apparently no one passed on that unimportant little tidbit of information.

5. Your nurse practitioner is incapable of diagnosing pink eye and eczema. She won't even entertain the possibility because I am just a hysterical mom who doesn't know anything. So my kids have to wait another week until we can see someone else and get the diagnosis and treatment I came in for in the first place.. A week is long time to have your newborn's eyes oozing and crusted shut.

These are only the top five... Blogger does not have enough bandwidth to store all of my complaints after just a year of seeing this doctor. We only rarely need to see the doctor, so it's not as big of an issue as it sounds, but I think we can all agree that MY DOCTOR"S OFFICE SUCKS. Anyway:

We waited for 45 minutes while the waiting room emptied and refilled three times. I had the recovering 12 year old plus my 5yo, 3yo, and 9 mo. They were starting to get wild, and then miraculously we were called back.

The nurse didn't know which boy was the patient. Hello? Read your chart?

Then, she starts asking me about Tyler's pneumonia. "What pneumonia?" I ask. She says, "Isn't that why he was hospitalized?" Umm, no. So we clear up why he's there. Meanwhile, the baby is working up to a wail and the two others are dissecting the examination room.

They don't have his medical history despite the fact that I filled it out less than an hour before, so I have to fill out another.

Then the doctor comes in. Not MY doctor. Oh, no no no. My doctor is so busy not even the nurses at the hospital can swing an appointment. We're seeing a very sweet little boy who looks just like my little brother Evan. Which is odd because our real doctor looks just like my brother Alex. But I digress.

The doctor has to leave several times throughout the appointment to fetch medical records that for some reason are not in the chart. He tells me that the antibiotic my son is taking is not the one indicated for a ruptured appendix, and he's all "no biggie" about it. The baby is screaming because she wants to crawl around and find nasty things to put in her mouth. My five year old is egging on my three year old, who I have to keeping pulling off her and putting back in his seat. It's chaos.

When the appointment is over, I go to make the next appointment. "Dr. C. is busy that day," the scheduling girl says.

"Why do we have to see Dr. C.? Why can't we see Dr. D.?" A rhetorical question, because our doctor is always too busy to see his patients (ironic) so we usually see someone else.

"Because Dr. C. is your family doctor."

Please, not this again... "No, Dr. D. is our family doctor." As I tell her this, I am trying to separate my two fighting children. The baby is still screaming, and the 12yo is pale and leaning against the wall falling asleep because he is worn out.

"According to this, Dr. C. is your doctor."

I was trying so hard not to cry, because I hate when women use that to manipulate others. But I was very tired and VERY frustrated. So I started crying. And the lady decided she miraculously could switch us back (they have always insisted that it's not that simple) and that we could see Dr. D. for our follow-up visit on Friday (who last Thursday was supposedly booked for this entire week).

As I'm walking out to the car, Grace starts crying because she wants to go back in and get a drink from the drinking fountain. "You don't get your way for crying," I tell her.

Oh, wait, maybe you do.