Laundry: the new way vs. the old way

Whoever said the only certain things are death and taxes must not have been in charge of the laundry in their home. In my house, it is absolutely a certainty that I will have to do some laundry related chore every day.

Because laundry is both universal and constant, the way we do our laundry can make a huge difference. There seem to be three different schools of laundry thought:

The Old-Fashioned Way: Most people don't do their laundry the truly old fashioned way--agitating and wringing it by hand--but there are still many people who make their own laundry soap, use natural fabric softeners like vinegar, and hang out the wet clothing to dry. I generally fall into this category, although I have been known to (gasp) buy laundry soap when time is short. I also use my dryer in the winter when the temperatures are below freezing.

The Cheap Way: These people use conventional washers and dryers and conventional laundry products. Obviously in the United States, this group makes up a substantial majority.

The Neo-Hippy Way: This crowd is not into extra work, but they are willing to be a little more green by spending some green. You know them by their state-of-the-art front loaders in museum quality colors. They tend to use Method and other greener cleaners. I'm not picking on these people; my parents and some of my best friends are among them.

Which is the greenest way? I think we can all agree that the middle route is the most wasteful in terms of water and electricity use. Between the old fashioned way and the neo-hippy way, well, it's hard to say. If you buy the front loaders because you sincerely need new machines, they aren't such a waste, but if you actually got rid of perfectly functional traditional machines to buy them, well, there's nothing green about that. No, the savings in water and electric don't even come close to the environmental cost of manufacturing that machine or transporting it across the globe. And when it comes to drying, even a front loader can't do it as cheaply as the sun.

The problem with laundry soap, chemical-free or not, is that it contains a lot of water (which is heavy to transport, thus requiring a lot of fuel) and must have packaging. When I make my own, none of my ingredients come in a plastic container. That alone makes it leaps better than the most eco-friendly detergent on the shelf, although I am not above buying them when being a full-time student/full-time worker/full-time mom leaves me without the few minutes it takes to throw together my own.

It's not that I'm hooked on standing in the heat dodging bees (allergic here!) while hanging heavy wet laundry on a line. It's just that I love it when the green decision is also the cheaper one. I never could pass up a great deal like that. Hanging out laundry and making my own soap cut my laundry expenses down to a few dollars a month for a whole lot of people. That makes it worth my time.

A little change in laundry habits can make a huge difference! Don't be afraid to try a new way and see if you can add one more green habit to your repertoire.

Modern Housewifery and the Green Movement

There was a time, just a century ago, when a typical housewife burned up to 9000 calories per day. They were up before dawn cutting wood for the morning fire and carrying water in buckets from a far-away well. Making pancakes for breakfast required collecting eggs, milking cows, and grinding wheat. I consider myself a productive person, but I don't accomplish in one day what these women did before their families even woke up.

The other day, I was reading one of my favorite homemaking sites. I realized that, unlike housewives of other times, the main duties of a modern hausfrau are cooking and procuring/managing goods. Sure, I clean, go to school, take care of my kids, and work when I can. However, the things that occupy much of my time are cooking, baking, organizing stuff, and making decisions about what new stuff my family needs. Like most women, like most modern people, I am not a producer. I am a consumer.

Americans are consumers on a mass scale, and that is why our food and consumption decisions are so important both politically and environmentally. It seems frivolous to micro-analyze every little decision, but those decisions will determine the type of consumer I am. Is local, organic lettuce worth a dollar more? Should I throw away my daughter's jeans with the blown-out knee, or can I find a way to make them wearable? Is it worth my energy to pick through thrift store racks when an organized Macy's is across the parking lot and doesn't cost a whole lot more? A lot of my life, and a lot of this blog, revolves around these seemingly insignificant choices.

In the end, my food is going to have a greater impact on the environment than my choice in cars. My decisions on what to buy will have a bigger effect on child labor in the third world than my voting. If you want to make a difference in your future quality of life, every consumer decision matters. Is it worth sweating the small stuff? I think it is.

Slow cooker sausage and beans

What's not to love about a slow cooker? There's nothing like coming home from a busy day to find dinner is already made. However, most crockpot recipes are not very 'green'. They tend to be meat-heavy and to use a lot of (expensive and unhealthy) processed foods like cream soups and canned beans. I have had to develop my own repertoire of crock pot recipes, and it has been well worth it! Here's one new recipe:

Slow Cooker Sausage and Beans

Ingredients:
· 2 cups dried beans (I like to use a blend, like 1 cup pintos, 1/2 cup black beans, and 1/2 cup kidney beans)
· 4 to 6 links organic chicken sausage or other link sausage
· 1/2 cup chopped onion
· 1/2 cup canned tomato sauce
· 1/4 cup barbecue sauce
· 3 tablespoons brown sugar
· 1 teaspoon chili powder
· 2 tablespoons prepared mustard
· Salt and pepper to taste
· 1 can (8 ounces) crushed pineapple, undrained

Preparation:

Soak beans overnight (I soak mine in the crockpot to cut down on dishes). Place in slow cooker on high with water to cover, plus a few inches. Cook until soft, about 4 hours in my crockpot. Longer is okay, too. Drain beans, reservings about one cup of fluid. Add all other ingredients, along with the reserved fluid, and cook in the slow cooker on high for another hour. Serves a medium sized family. If I need to 'expand' the recipe, I increase everything except the sausage. Organic sausage is expensive!

Monday Menus

This week I found organic chicken sausages on clearance at Safeway for $1.99 per package. This led me to develop some fun ways of using them in this week's meals.

Sunday: Pork ribs, potato salad, canteloupe

Monday: Slow cooker sausage and beans, spinach salad

Tuesday: Super baked potatoes (with cheese, chives, and of course, sausage), honeydew melon

Wednesday: Slow cooker 'baked' ziti with marinara and sausages, green salad

Thursday: Spinach, garlic, and cheese omelets, corn salsa

Friday: Roasted veggie sandwiches on ciabatta, I'll throw what's left of the sausage on there if any's left, roasted potato wedges

Saturday: Black bean/multi-colored pepper fajitas, spanish rice, miscellanous fruit salad

Recipes to follow!

Guest Blog: Bill Hawthorne on Green Living and Health

Green Living: Improving Health Today and Tomorrow

Much attention has been paid in recent years to what seems to be a growing environmental conscience in the United States. Going green used to be considered expensive and a luxury for those who could afford the trend. Now it appears that we are learning that not only is adopting more environmentally conscious attitudes good for our economic situation, but also our….health?

Yes, if we dig a bit deeper we can see that dirty industries and backwards policy is actually harming the health of the earth for our children and the health of her inhabitants today.

How Does Environmental Policy Affect Public Health?

There are two levels of health consequences associated with dirty industry, both direct and indirect. The direct consequences are examples like increased asthma rates in areas with high smog indices. Chlorofluorocarbon release into the atmosphere has shown to decrease the filter of direct sunlight on the planet, resulting in more concentrated ultraviolet light reaching the surface of the earth. Perhaps it is no surprise then that in countries with depleted atmospheric gas, skin cancer rates are among the highest in the world.

The indirect health consequences are harder to see immediately, but closer examination reveals that these are, in fact, perhaps the most hazardous. Bi-products of dirty and backwards industries, such as coal and oil processing, include cancer causing substances like asbestos and benzene. A U.K. study conducted in 2002 indicated that coal and oil industry workers are at a much higher risk of developing mesothelioma (associated with asbestos exposure) and leukemia (traced to benzene and heavy-metal exposure). Dr. Valerie Rusch among many other doctors who specialize in this area understand that these are substances that can be directly traced to antiquated pre-regulation equipment in industries whose environmental hazards are even more inherent.

Can we really afford to continue on the path we were on before? Investment in clean industry means not a healthier planet for our children and grandchildren, but also a healthier place for us to live today.

--June 25, 2009 Written by Bill Hawthorne with the maacenter

Duck! The Boomerang's Returning!

You don't have to duck. Just me. Because, yes, two of my older kids are returning home for a while. Due to real estate situations, their apartment is no longer available (or it won't be in a few weeks at least).

I love that they feel comfortable enough with me to fly back into the nest when times are tough. I love that I am still their step-mommy, even though one of them is literally two of me. On the other hand, things are getting a little crowded in the Sage Mommy home, and the last time they both lived here, our electric was like twice as expensive.

Here are a few tips for dealing with not-empty-enough-nest syndrome:

1. Make them chip in. Luckily, my kids both have jobs, so I plan to charge them whatever is a reasonable amount of rent for one-third of a bedroom (yeah, we'll be back to three in a room :-O ) plus electric and such.

2. Make them do chores. Lots of them. As I recall, older kids can double the housework load with their constant snacking in the living room and excessive towel use. I'm already making their chore lists. Now that they are adults, their to-do lists will look more like mine than before.

3. Repeat after me: "this is not a frat house". I don't know what went on at their old house, but I have an imagination. And none of it will be happening here. This is a family home, and only traditional morals are allowed. No girls, no monkey business, and any kegs will be confiscated to be later shared with the cooler members of the local homeschool community. You know who you are.

Can WalMart Ever Be Green?

They think they can.

I'm not an eco-perfectionist, and I'm not going to pick on WalMart. We've all heard it before, and they must be doing something right because millions of people still work there and millions of people still shop there. However, I think even the most devoted WalMart shopper would balk at calling them green.

Consider: nothing gets to a WalMart without being carted over thousands of miles of blacktop. That's if it didn't have to be flown here before hitting the trucks. That $4 t-shirt may have more miles under its belt than Ferdinand Magellan.

Consider: undercutting local companies until they die away, then jacking prices up once there is no alternative is the WalMart policy. It's not an accident--it's how they operate.

Again, I'm not hatin'. Obviously millions of people approve, and that is their business. However, Wal-Mart is now trying, at least superficially, to 'go green'. They offer a range of 'green' products. Okay, I don't know exactly why a plastic bottle of toxic cleaning chemicals is now green--maybe that's its actual color. WalMart also is stepping into the realm of organic cotton products and other popular green accoutrements. It doesn't make them green; it makes them aware of the issues of their times.

However, they are actually leading the green movement in one arena: labeling. The way some stores label healthy choices, WalMart is going to start labeling green(er) choices. I don't know exactly what will make something a 'green' choice among the many choices in those crowded aisles, but if it gets more everyday people to buy into environmentalism, I guess it can't hurt anything.

one is silver and the other gold...

...make new friends and keep the old. So goes the song, at least. Making friends is something I seem to do without trying, and I love it. I love having a posse. I'm not even a particularly outgoing or interesting person, but I seem to collect interesting people the way some people collect those naked little troll dolls.

Anyway, I recently threw a birthday party for my daughter, inviting two 'old' friends and one 'new'. It was really a revelation to me, for two reasons:

1. I am a totally different person in different social situations, and it is never so obvious as when I try to 'blend' friends from different settings. At school, where New Friend met me, I am edgy, sarcastic, and brainy. I dress in trendy clothes and make fun of things. My California coastal accent creeps back. My homeschooling friends, on the other hand, usually see me with kids, and thus they see the quieter, gentler Emily. The one who wears long skirts and talks in grammatically correct sentences. I never realized I encompassed these two very different Emily's until I was standing at my daughter's party at a total loss as to how to act. Is this normal? Maybe it is a reaction to the stark contrast between an academic setting and a more kid-friendly environment.

2. At some point, Mrs. Hannigan and Mrs. March, along with a handful of others, became 'old friends'. There was a point when my group of friends in Redding were the 'old friends' and the homeschooling mommies were nice people I hang out with because my friends are so far away. However, now they are not just friends, but 'old' friends. (Notice the quotes--none of you need Botox or anything. That's not what I mean by 'old'.) Anyway, I've became close to a handful of really cool women here, despite the fact that we never see each other and we have very different backgrounds.

This brings up interesting questions. What makes someone an 'old friend'? Is it going through trauma?--those of you who have been reading here for a while know what I mean by that. Is it that they are interesting enough that I wonder how they are doing even when we don't see each other? Who knows. I'm probably the luckiest person on the planet when it comes to meeting awesome people.

The other question: with student Emily being so different from mommy Emily, both of which are different from career chick Emily, what will Dr. Emily be like? How many more personalities do I have lurking in there?

I Don't <3 Papaya

Maybe I've just had bad luck, but every papaya I've tried has been kind of gross. Even my kids won't eat it. I'm not too hot on papaya flavored things, but they don't repel me the way the real fruit seem to. Am I doing something wrong? Is there a secret to making papaya pallatable?

Monday Menus

Locally, we are getting out of the greens and berries phase of late spring. Farmer's market stalls are full of a huge and colorful range of vegetables as well as every fruit you can imagine. Now is a good time to incorporate those veggies into stirfries, pasta dishes, and quiches, and serve every meal with a plate of sliced local fruit. Being green has never so easy!

Sunday: (instead of Sunday dinner, as we returned late from visiting Thomas the Tank Engine in Snoqualmie) Banana whole wheat pancakes with miscellaneous cut up fruit

Monday: Kung Pao chicken with pan fried vegetables and noodles, sliced papaya

Tuesday: BLT's and watermelon. Whole grain bread, of course. That makes the bacon and mayo healthy, right?

Wednesday: Red Curry chicken with stir fried vegetables and rice

Thursday: Vegetable quiche with homemade ciabatta and sliced fruit

Friday: Pasta primavera with leftover ciabatta made into garlic bread, green salad

Saturday: Hot dogs roasted over our fire pit, along with chips, marshmellows, and fruit salad

Following Your Passions

I just thought I'd throw it out there. Even if you are a mom, you should have a few passions, a few happy thoughts you can carry in your heart when the laundry piles are high or you're trying to figure out how you will buy this week's groceries with the negative sixteen dollars you have left in your budget. This weekend, I decided to indulge one of my passions. I've been a fan--a full-blown, trivia-reciting fan--of Tori Amos since I heard her for the first time eighteen years ago. This weekend, I finally made it one of her concerts. I feel so refreshed, like I can face my life again. Here's the song that was one of the highlights for me. I wish I had a recording from my exact concert, but this one will have to do:



If you don't know what exactly your passion is (no, husband and kids don't really count), find it!

Cheap and Healthy Dinner: Dal

Tonight I made dal (an Indian lentil dish) and naan for dinner. It was so good, and I think it's because I inadvertently used a new recipe.

I usually make dal with a recipe that includes various curry spices, like cumin, turmeric, and ginger. Today, I realized I was missing a few key spices. Rather than run to the store, I subbed a little red curry paste. So here was the recipe, all three ingredients:

'Haven't Been to Fred Meyer in Weeks' Dal

1 cup red lentils
3 cups water
1-2 tsps red curry paste

Simmer until done.

Now, wasn't that easy? I served with homemade naan and sauteed chard from my mother's garden. Altogether, it was less than three dollars for my huge crew. Super healthy too! Just make sure your significant other likes the smell of curry, because red curry comes out your pores. I rather enjoy it, like an exotic perfume. :-)

Jon and Kate's Big Announcement: My Theories

By now, everyone with cable has heard that there is a big Jon and Kate announcement coming this Monday. I've been boycotting the show for a while, but based on what I've seen on the supermarket tabloid racks, I have a few theories on what these two plan to spring on us.

• Kate plans to get rid of the dogs and instead use her super-sized property for a chicken farm. Between camera shots of Kate feeding the chickens, they will be cared for by one of the children’s nannies or her hottie-biscotti bodyguard. She will claim that she was inspired after noticing that her backward mullet looks surprisingly like a chicken’s tail end, and call the farm “organic” despite feeding the fowl a mixture of Juicy Juice, Lay’s potato chips and Domino’s pizza.
• The house is so big it feels empty with just ten. This has inspired Kate to invite some family friends to visit—the Octomom and her brood of 14.
• After being fined by the EPA for a garbage output that rivals that of a small European nation (Jon has to use his tractor to take out their weekly trash--no joke!), the Gosselin family will begin using real plates and cups.
• The Gosselins will be homeschooled beginning this fall to accommodate their sixty hour per week filming schedule. Kate wants to use one of the Duggar girls, but Jon knows a local 23-year-old teacher who would be perfect for the job.
• In yet another crossover special, the guys from The Deadliest Catch show up with a crabbing boat for each Gosselin kid.
• Because former sponsors Gymboree and Baby Gap have been scared off by the scandals, Hot Topic will now be providing the children’s wardrobes. Maddy spends the show choosing between black and navy blue lip gloss, while the sextuplets run amok in coordinating AC/DC t-shirts and Converse All Stars with glittery skull appliqués.
• And, in a perfect world… Jon and Kate have decided to quit the show and live comfortably for the remainder of their children’s youth on the millions of dollars they earned last year. They claim that their marital problems combined with the children’s increasingly bad behavior led them to realize that they need to refocus their lives. They move quietly to another area and lead simple, happy lives.

What do you guys think? Are Jon & Kate tacky enough to broadcast a separation or divorce? Is TLC? Will companies sponsor this (except Hot Topic LOL)? Heaven forbid, are they going to show the parents breaking it to their eight children?

Life Doesn't Suck Thursday: All Done with Doctor Drama?

Those of you who have followed my blog for a while now have heard probably more than you would like about how much my doctor's practice sucks. Doctor D. is an awesome doctor... once you get past his staff of snarling hyenas. Honestly, if you were going to design a system with the express purpose of denying health care to sick children and adding more distress to a worried mother's life, CWFM would be the place to consult, because they do a world class job of both.

I occasionally *mention* to Doctor D. that I am frustrated with his system. By *mention*, I mean that I bring it up at every opportunity. Anyway, at the last visit, he asked why I had waited so long to bring in a sick child (who ended up in the ER). I told him it wasn't for lack of trying. In fact, I tried for over a week before the problem became worthy of an $800 trip to the nasty, germ-laden ER in the middle of prime swine-flu season. He told me that this was going to change, and soon, because they had hired a new office manager who was re-vamping the scheduling system.

Can you say YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY????????

Honestly, would it be inappropriate for me to bring my new hero a bottle of wine or some homemade cookies? I am so excited. Because, this was the appointment where I was going to tell him I could no way see him anymore, great doctor or not. And now, I can avoid being doctor-less in this medically underserved area. Thanks, God.

Super Yummy Banana Bars

Okay, folks, there is NOTHING healthy about this sugar and butter-rich recipe, but it's so good you frankly won't care.

Banana Bars with Vanilla Cream Cheese Frosting

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a large pan, 10x15 inches or so.

To make bars, combine:

1/2 cup softened butter

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 eggs

8 ounces sour cream

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a separate bowl, mix:

2 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

Mix the dry ingredients into the wet ones. Then, add:

2 medium ripe bananas, mashed

Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool and then frost with this awesome frosting.

Mix:

1 8 oz package softened cream cheese

1/2 cup softened butter

2 tsp vanilla

3 3/4 to 4 cups powdered sugar

Frost the banana bars and enjoy. Store these in the fridge if possible... it's a lot of dairy for room temperature.

Children and Summer

For homeschoolers, summer means little change except that random people no longer ask the kids why they aren't in school. For families with children in traditional school, summer is a massive upheaval. I was looking forward to spending more time at home after our first year in school, but most of the parents I have talked to don't share my sentiment. The two main reasons seem to be an increase in work for the mother, and dealing with sibling bickering.

I won't comment on the state of a society where mothers don't want to spend time with their children. Instead, I'll offer a solution that I have found effective in dealing with both messiness and bad behavior: work.

Free time is a wonderful part of summer, but everything has a time and a purpose... and a limit. Here's how you know your child has too much free time: they complain about being bored. They have time to pick fights with siblings, create mischief, and make a nuisance of themself. They don't enjoy very much and seem way too jaded for their young age.

My children in the summer are expected to do about 20 minutes per year of age in work and 10 minutes per year of age in schoolwork. An older kid should have a volunteer endeavor or a part time job, because you will quickly run out of chores for them unless you live on a farm. So, my six year old has an hour per day of mandatory schoolwork and two hours of chores. I split them up, but she is responsible for: making her bed, picking up her room in the morning, helping me with whatever chores I do that day, picking up in the family room in the evening , clearing the table after dinner, and loading the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Similarly, my five year old does about 50 minutes a day in schoolwork and 100 minutes a day of chores. Even my thirteen year old works. Schoolwork is no trouble at all; after the tedium of traditional school, our homeschool curriculum is challenging and interesting enough to feel like a game.

Many people are shocked by the idea of putting kids to work. They think it is child slavery. Honestly, it's good for them. It puts the rest of their fun little lives in a proper perspective. The only way to learn a work ethic is by actually working, so I am preparing them for the adult existence that will constitute the majority of their years on this planet. Plus, I can look forward to spending time with them. They are literally no trouble at all; they make up for the extra work of having a house full of children, and they don't have the chronic boredom and dissatisfaction that have became an institution in modern childhood.

Monday Meal Plans

Sunday:
B: Banana whole wheat pancakes
L: Crackers, cheese, cut-up raw veggies
D: Kung Pao Chicken, brown rice, watermelon

Monday:
B: Lemon poppyseed muffins from a mix, watermelon
L: Organic boxed macaroni and cheese, baby carrots
D: Greek crockpot chicken and couscous, the rest of the watermelon--it's HUGE!

Tuesday:
B: Cold cereal with milk, bananas and sliced strawberries
L: Pasta with tomato sauce and a sprinkling of parmesan, fruit from fruit bowl
D: Italian grilled cheese (it's just grilled cheese but with mozzarella, tomato, and basil instead of plastic cheese), salad

Wednesday:
B: Banana bars with cream cheese frosting
L: Broccoli cheese baked potato
D: Vegan red beans and rice, salad

Thursday:
B: Yogurt and honey toast
L: Cajun wraps (basically the red beans and rice from night before sprinkled with a little cheese and grilled in a flour tortilla)
D: Crab legs (on sale at Rosauer's!!!), rice pilaf, corn on the cob

Friday:
B: Cold cereal, oranges
L: PBJ and chips--on Fridays, we do errands all day and have a picnic at the park for lunch
D: Israeli eggs, whole wheat toast, cassava melon

Saturday:
B: Whole grain waffles, what's left of the cassava
L: Thai noodles (whole wheat noodles mixed with a sauce made of warmed chunky peanut butter, soy sauce, and lime juice, then topped with chopped green onions and peanuts), baby carrots
D: Green peppers stuffed with spiced brown rice and ground beef, garlic bread, salad

Are You Ready to Go Back to School?

With the economy being... what it is... many moms have told me that they are thinking about going back to school. Granted, it is almost a guaranteed way of increasing your income as well as your ability to compete successfully for work-at-home jobs. Nor is it un-doable; you would be joining me and probably millions of other mothers on the same path. However, there are a few things you should consider before enrolling for classes.

1. Do you have time? A full time student takes at least twelve, but more realistically, 15 units. That translates roughly into fifteen hours per week in class. Well, I can carve that out of my schedule... you think. However, don't forget studying (3 hours per week for every unit, so 45 hours per week on average), transportation, the inevitable gaps between classes, and time spent in financial aid and registration lines. Don't kid yourself; going to school is a full time job and then some.

2. Do you have your house in order? If you are leading a disorganized life, you should focus on that before moving any of your energies outside the home. Do you have a reasonably organized home? Are your kids happy, healthy, and on some semblance of a schedule? Is your life as streamlined as possible (ie, you aren't grocery shopping three times a week to grab things you forgot)? Your household will need to function on autopilot occasionally to accommodate finals week or research projects, so don't head back to school before your family is ready.

3. Are your spouse and children supportive? Mind you, supportive can have different definitions for different people. My husband thinks it's super cool to have a smart wife and even cooler that we'll be able to retire comfortably thanks to my future income. However, I began to get annoyed a month or so into my first quarter when he didn't pick up a little more of the housework and childcare. It doesn't take Mother Teresa to help with the dishes when your wife has been in a lab for four hours. And a lot of my friends have husbands who help out around the house. It took me several months to get over myself. I have always done those things, and it isn't fair to change the rules a decade into our marriage. On the other hand, my kids have been more than eager to do a few extra chores, especially since this leaves more time for me to spend with them. Before you go back to school, make sure your kids are on board and your husband is at least going to tolerate the upheaval.

4. Do you know what you will do with your kids? If you are a homeschooler, do not assume your kids can homeschool themselves or each other while you go to class. And don't forget the little ones; they need not just a babysitter, but a situation where they are nurtured and loved. I am not against high quality childcare, but anything less will not be good enough. Many colleges have childcare programs that are top-notch and made to accommodate a student's schedule, but they still cost money (lots of it). If you live in a highly rated school district, as I do, dealing with older children may be a little easier, but don't expect them to get the education they would receive at home. In our case, the younger kids go to the college center and the older kids go to school, then homeschool to "fill in the gaps" on weekends and over the summer.

5. Do you have the money? Even community college has a staggering cost, and you will be spending roughly twice the tuition when you add in books, supplies, fees, transportation, and the occasional lunch. Apply for scholarships and financial aid early and then see if you can swing the difference. I do not recommend getting a student loan for your bachelor's degree. The amount you make with a bachelor's degree is low enough that your family will not come out ahead for several decades once you add in childcare, work costs, and a higher tax bracket. If you plan to work through your master's or doctorate--which is the only way going back to school would financially worth it in this job market--save the loans for graduate school, which is more expensive and has much less financial help available.

6. Do you have a plan? I would love to major in linguistics, but my passion for language will not pay the bills. Instead of thinking about what you like to study, think about what you like to do. I would love to be a doctor, so I am majoring in Biology, which will give me the solid foundation I need to get into medical school and excel there. After all, I'm not getting a degree for bragging rights; I am being purely practical. The only way college will be worth it for a mom is if a highly paid and flexible profession is waiting at the end of the long, hard road. Do yourself and your kids a favor by making a realistic plan.

7. Internet or traditional? Most employers and graduate programs consider a degree from one of the internet colleges advertised on television worth far less than one from a traditional brick and mortar university. Plus, the online ones cost more. However, many traditional universities offer internet courses and even entire internet degrees. Your degree won't show what format you chose for your classes, so this is the best of both worlds. In my case, although my major requires time in the classroom, I am learning to work my schedule around so I do at least one and maybe even two quarters per year on the internet.

I don't mean for this to be discouraging, not at all. I am glad I made this huge decision, and I think my family is stronger for it. However, I wish someone had told me a year ago what I was getting into. My advice: do the research, crunch the numbers, work out the cost/benefit analysis, and figure out a realistic plan before jumping in.

You Really Want These People In Charge of Your Health Care?

My husband and I are in the very beginning stages of adopting three children from foster care. The kids are relatives of mine and currently living with another family member who cannot keep them permanently. This will be a win-win situation when/if it goes through, but until then it's an emotional nightmare. Dealing with dependency courts and the adjoining social service agencies is like dealing with the legal system of a foreign country, one that

• My husband and I are not allowed to speak in court or have a lawyer speak on our behalf. Actually:
• We aren't even allowed to be in the court during hearings. And even outside the court:
• The social worker is not allowed to talk to us about the situation. In addition:
• We are not allowed to talk to the children about the situation. Even when they ask us. They would like to know what's going on as much as any other person would, so they DO ask. Until then:
• We have to drive nine hours each way once a month to visit them to maintain the bond that will make us their top adoption candidates when/if they need adoption candidates. And on our three weekends off:
• We have to prepare our house to hold these three children, fence our above ground, completely inaccessible pool, and buy a huge van before we will be considered as candidates for adoption. Remember, they won't tell us anything about whether said adoption is even a possibility. Except what we need to buy. That's because:
• The ultimate goal is to reunite the children with their emotionally disturbed parents at all costs. In 6 to 18 months, that goal will change suddenly in a court hearing I am not allowed to know about or attend. Then we can begin another long, scary process:
• Out of state foster care adoption. The social worker says it requires an immense and maybe impossible amount of paperwork. All in the best interest of the children, but he likes to remind everyone that there is a limit to what he can do. This might be just short of that limit, or beyond it. And then he remembered that he isn't legally allowed to discuss anything and clammed up. If you still don't think it's a scary, precarious process, consider:
• One of the children is still in a state foster home because the wheels that turn the justice system sometimes get stuck. She is honestly just waiting for the right things to be filed, and the worker will be out sick this week, and his supervisor is on vacation. Whenever they get around to it, this infant will be reunited with her brothers and the extended family members who care for them. Right now, she is literally lost in the system.

Adopting children is a great, green way to enlarge your family, and foster care is full of children who need families. It's just the 6-18 months of labor pains that bring me down sometimes.

Encouraging Others

I met a new homeschooling mom this spring, one who has somehow stayed under the radar and managed to have a full, homeschooling social life without belonging to our local homeschooling organization or even hanging out with anyone who does. Another story for another time. Anyway, she was telling me that her house was so messy her mother-in-law was coming to dig her out. She's pregnant and super busy, so a messy home was to be expected, but her willingness to have someone see the mess was what amazed me. "I don't even pretend to keep a perfect house," she told me. "Keeping up a facade is too discouraging to others."

What an epiphany. Personally, I do my best to hide the fact that my house is messy on a regular basis, that my children eat (organic, of course) macaroni and cheese for dinner when I am cramming for a chemistry exam, and that we have even had to wear each other's socks at times for lack of clean ones of our own. I tend to think people would judge me if they saw these moments, that they would think less of me.

In all honesty, I think I'm not giving my friends enough credit. Only a jerk would look at a pile of clean laundry and think bad things about me, and my friends are not jerks at all. When I see glimpses of these realities in their lives, I usually feel relieved: I'm not the only one???

So, I figured I would encourage you all in my friend Heidi's spirit. Today, instead of telling you about my successes, I'll tell you about my failures. I got 77% on a chemistry test because I mistakenly thought I understood the difference between a paramagnetic and diamagnetic complex; I am making taco casserole for dinner because my stove and counters are covered with goldfish apparatus; my to-be-folded laundry pile is so substantial that my kids don't even look in their drawers for clean underwear anymore; I am using the dryer and putting disposables on my youngest child because I am too backed up on laundry to deal with lines or create one item of extra linen; I haven't even started my homework even though it's about the most fascinating subject ever: monkey penises (no kidding). That's just the beginning, folks. I'm not even going to get into the relative emails and phone calls I have to return.

I hope you all feel encouraged now. If you want to encourage my readers and me, feel free to leave a comment telling me about your own personal failures.