The Laura Ingalls Test

Today I was at Target and I saw something I thought I needed at a price I couldn't pass up: children's jeans for $10. My second grader and kindergartner have both outgrown about half of their wardrobes in this new year. They each have about five pair of school pants left, which are becoming more worn by the day. It makes sense to buy these high enough quality jeans and fill their wardrobe out a little. Yet I put them back and walked away (sadly).

At the same time, I have been reading the Laura Ingalls books--again--this time with my 7-year-old daughter, the one who 'needs' pants. In these books, the narrator repeatedly mentions having only one or two dresses each year, plus an old patched one from the year before to swim and play in. In this context, five pair of school pants, plus skirts, dresses, church clothes, and a drawer of play clothes, seems enough. Even excessive.

In the nineteenth century and before, consumer goods were made by intense labor. Growing cotton is hard on land and hard on workers. It had to be spun into thread and woven into cloth before Mrs. Ingalls spent hours cutting and sewing it into the garment her daughter would wear. The process hasn't changed a lot. We have some mechanization, and we have passed off the labor to the third world, but making garments is still a labor intensive activity.

Here's where the Laura Ingalls test comes in: imagine talking to Mrs. Ingalls and saying that you need to buy new clothing for a child that has five presentable outfits. She seems like a polite type, but she would certainly be surprised if not dismayed. If you are like many American families, you could also imagine telling her that your family is already in debt and that you might even put this purchase on credit as well. One hundred years ago, this would have been viewed as highly irresponsible.

This is an amusing mind game to play whenever you find yourself about to make an impulse buy at any price. Here's a less pleasant one. Picture yourself explaining the situation to a mother in the modern day third world instead. Her government accepted money from a US corporation to kick their family off their ancestral farm land, which is now being destroyed by cotton crops. With nowhere to live, she and her family moved to town, where the only way to survive is to work twelve hour days, seven days a week, in a factory where our $3 t-shirts are made. Even the toddlers. And they barely make enough to out rice and beans on the table once a day. This is the true story of our clothing, repeated over and over in every country you see on a clothing label after "Made In". Would she understand? They don't resent us because of George W. Bush. It goes farther and deeper than that.

This isn't a guilt trip. We aren't going to stop being Americans overnight, and neither will you. Just something to think about. Every decision we make is either supporting a very unfair, unpleasant status quo or helping to create a new one. So, I said no to the jeans. We'll find something fair trade or gently used before next year rolls around, and the kids will make their wardrobe last until then.

N.P. in a C.P. World

It always seems to me that there are two camps: the natural parenting group and the conventional parenting group. When I read the c.p. magazines like Parents, I am a little appalled at the cavalier attitude toward kids. Like they are swine flu and I need a checklist to manage them. On the other hand, I don't really fit in with the n.p. group anymore. I am in school too much to homeschool, and as a result my kids sometimes have to do things they don't want to do, just like their mommy. My dryer is running at this moment, proving I am not the uber earthy mom I once was.

Still, I find myself applying n.p. principles to c.p. problems. Like:

A. Mornings. I was reading a c.p. magazine the other day and it had a big article on having smooth mornings. Most of the tips could be filed under: be a drill sergeant/Nazi/total meanie that your kids will cry about in therapy someday. Here are a few of my tips:

• Rub backs and kiss the rounded cartilage-y part of their ears.
• Make something really yummy for breakfast--they will come.
• For teenagers, start their shower running, then wake them. Even my 14 year old won't waste hot water.
• Do everything you can the night before, like picking out clothes, packing lunches and backpacks, etc.
• Have fun morning traditions that no one wants to miss. Grace plays violin in the morning, and sometimes we make pictures for their bus driver if we have time.

No spray bottles of water and they still get out of bed? Indeed. Here's another c.p. magazine favorite: toddler tantrums. According to Parents, I should respond to a display of emotion by isolating the child in a homegrown version of solitary confinement and putting a stop-order on parenting them until they agree to stifle their rage, or at least put it aside until I'm not looking. Instead, I:

• Give choices. Toddlers get mad when people make every decision for them, because they have just realized that 1. they are a separate human being from everyone else and 2. everyone else seems to be deciding what to wear, eat, play with, etc. Don't let them jump off the roof, but I think they can handle picking out shoes even if they end up wearing play shoes at the mall or even a mismatched pair.
• Help verbalize emotions. Like, "you don't like it when we have oatmeal for breakfast? I'm sorry, that's what we have. You can choose to not eat it, but you'll be really hungry by snack time." Sometimes they just have something to say and it is too complex for their vocabulary.
• Hug them a lot. I mean, they're two. I sometimes feel like screaming and I have sixteen times as much life experience through which to filter the whole confusing mess that life can be. If my two year old gets a little overwhelmed, it's understandable.

Here's one not from a c.p. magazine, but from a c.p. teacher. She is a little peeved because my daughter keeps reading books outside her assigned level. Either too hard and the second grader does poorly on the little computerized test they take on the books they read, or too easy because even if she reads at a fourth grade level she still likes second grade stuff like ballerinas and unicorns. So I pull out my best n.p. skills and:

• Tell the seven year old to read whatever she wants, that the tests are totally unimportant compared to the fun of reading, and that the teacher can call me if there is a problem with that.
• Send the teacher a letter politely expressing the above. (she never called)
• Encourage the seven year old to at least look for a book in her assigned level before getting one that is technically too easy or too difficult.
• If she isn't feeling like she understood the book well enough, we can read it together or she can just not take the test. Whatever, if the grade is that important, just don't take the tests unless you are confident you can ace them.
• Look at the library for fourth grade level books about ballerina mice and girls who live in forest groves with unicorns.

Just because you are forced to live in a c.p. world, that doesn't mean you can't be a n.p. parent. If anything, I think it's easy to be the perfect earth mommy when you control your own sphere, but being a n.p. parent while surrounded by every random bit of insanity the planet can throw at you... well, that's an art form.

Woman kicked off plane for breastfeeding?

Yep. Here's the link.

Okay, so she was asked to cover up and didn't. Maybe she was hot. Maybe the toddler was stressed out by the change in schedule and didn't want a blanket over his or her head.


If you are sitting in the window seat in the back of the plane, with only your husband next to you, you kinda think that you can skip the blanket regardless of what the control freak flight attendant says because anyone who doesn't want to see your mammaries would have to crane their head to see them anyway. My youngest had this thing against blankets when she was breastfeeding. She would play 'peek-a-boo' and the blanket ended up covering nada. This was a real problem in my hood--the mommies at our homeschool co-op would enshroud themselves in the break room even though it was just us girls. I think the blanket is unnecessary, because anyone with a little decency would simply look away.


I breastfed the same child on a plane on the way to California. And back. And to Colorado, and back from there too. The abrupt change in elevation hurts little ears and the sucking alleviates it. 'Lap children' have to be in your lap anyway. Maybe the mommy in question was trying to get the toddler to sleep before the plane took off so she could chill with her Ipod during the flight.

Who cares why? She should be able to feed her kid the food that God intended for them. Doesn't this seem like a violation of civil rights? We have to be so sensitive to everything and everyone now, but harried mothers and their toddlers don't count?


This was probably all the complaining flight attendant saw:

Obedience Is Over-Rated. And Under-Rated, Too.

If you look at many child-raising books, obedience is a huge issue. Getting your children to do what you say, when you say it, and the exact way you tell them to seems to be a much written about subject.

Natural parenting sorts like me tend to bristle at these types of books. Personally, I think blind obedience is over-rated. I don't want my kids to be blind followers. I want them to be free thinkers who do the right thing after evaluating it and coming to their own conclusions. If anyone, be it a totalitarian government or a pedophile, tell them to do someing that is wrong for them, I want them to feel comfortable in bucking authority.

Unfortunately, this can lead to complications in the running of a home. I want my kids to question authority, just not my authority. I don't want to spend hours explaining why they should go to bed or clean their room. I have a bunch of smart kids, and they would jump on that bandwagon as soon as it appeared on the horizon. Further, when I tell them to get out of the road or stay away from that dog, safety demands immediate compliance. I know a lot of kids who are just rotten little brats because they can never just do what they are told, and this isn't setting them up for career or academic success.

My plan, which so far seems to work, is this:

1. People in my home, including the children, should be respectful, responsible, and fun to be with.

2. I am willing to discuss the fairness of everyday tasks such as chores, bedtimes, etc, on occasion, but in a respectful way and at an agreed-upon time. I will not discuss bedtime at bedtime, or the fairness of one child setting the table while I am getting dinner ready. I will not cater to whining.

3. No one should ever do anything that hurts or makes them uncomfortable. Eating vegetables does not qualify.

4. When in doubt about whether to obey, ask another adult.

I guess the key is to keep lines of communication open and to avoid forms and amounts of discipline that would make the child fearful. Obedience is definitely expected in my home and in life in general, but one shouldn't shut down their own moral compass.

The Clothes on Your Back

My six year old put on her favorite shoes yesterday and found that they were a little tight. She tried another pair--also too small. And so on. Her shoe wardrobe dwindled overnight from an excessive 9 pairs (!!!) to a barely adequate 2. Don't ask me how her feet can grow more than one size in twelve hours. It seems to be the general growth pattern in my home, but it never ceases to amaze me.

Usually when my children outgrow something, I go to the boxes of clothing in our boiler room and find a replacement. We call it 'shopping in the basement'. As I find good deals throughout the year, I stash them in boxes for when we need them. There are a few new things in there, but it's mainly hand-me-downs and thrift store bargains. Anyway, there were no cold weather shoes in Grace's new size. Because it would be a small miracle to find a suitable, like-new pair of size 12 girl's athletic shoes in one of Yakima's three thrift stores this weekend, I may actually be forced to buy something new.

I don't often have to buy new things for my kids, so this is an unusual situation for me. Buying used absolves me of being socially or environmentally responsible for the who, what, when and how of our garments. Now I have to wonder: Should I buy leather shoes, which tend to be more durable and comfortable, when the entire leather industry is more than a little disturbing? How can I make sure Grace's shoes and the materials with which they are made are not produced in some sweatshop manned by third world toddlers?

Then there is the economic aspect of the situation. High quality shoes in my area seem to run in the forty dollar or more range, a small fortune compared to the five dollar limit I normally impose on children's clothing. People look at me like I am a crazy woman when I tell them this, but my most recent under-five bargains include a like new Columbia parka with zip-in fleece liner and new-with-tags Stride Rite shoes for my son that someone apparently bought for sixty dollars but never wore. The average American family spends $624 per year on one child's clothing and even more for adults. We spend somewhere between $50 and $100 per month total for six of us. This includes everything from school clothes to shoes to ski clothing.

If I have to buy Grace's shoes brand new, it will make the third new clothing item I have bought her since her birthday last June. This seems to be the trend in my family. Rachael has received a brand new pair of ski pants and two winter hats this year, while Tyler needed a pair of PE shorts and two pairs of new shoes. Malcolm didn't get anything new; he's still even wearing last year's socks and underwear. Everything else is used, often free. We try to keep things in nice shape and be generous with our hand-me-downs to keep the circle of giving in good working order.